A Parody of every Snape's Traumtic childhood fics
by finmagik
Summary: See Title Yes, I know Minvera Mctabby will get me for this


A Parody of Every Snape's traumtic childhood fic DE fic I've ever read.  
Part one: DIE FLUFFY ANIMALS DIE!  
  
There was always a dark cloud over Snape Manor, a large dark gothic mansion on a windswept cliff. That didn't matter Most of the Snapes Liked it. Expect for the littlest, Severus.   
He was really small, though so he didn't matter and whenever he spoke his older siblings, used to kick him or put the Cruico curse on him just cuz' they could and they WERE eeeEEEViil! Yes, Pure EeeVil!  
Anyways it was another awful day and all the family was out doing what they liked the most torturing cute puppies and kittens. Everyone expect one.  
  
"Come on Severus, Torture a puppy! You'll like it!" Said his Mother Agrippinalla Snape.  
  
"But Mummy, I think torturing puppies is mean. I'd rather just go inside and read something." Severus squeaked.  
  
"You don't like torturing Cute Animals, what kind of a Sissy little Nancy boy are you?!" His brother Caligula said.   
  
"How are you ever going to be a Death Eater like the rest of us if you can't even torture a Kitten to death?!" Boomed his brother, Comdus.  
  
"Severus please torture that adorable kitten that's rubbing up against you, or no dinner for a week!" Nastyus, His father said. (A/N: I couldn't think of anymore Roman gits.)  
  
"But I'm already on no food for giving money to a beggar child, instead of throwing acid in their face." Severus mumbled weakly.  
  
"Don't Speak back to your father!" Screehed, Agrippanella his Mum and she proceeded to beat him with a dead parrot.  
The other family members joined in with the beatings including other not as yet mentioned siblings: Tiberious, Nero, Livilla, Sejanus, Eglabious, Septimus, Drusilla, Meada, Circe and Bob. Little Severus was beaten until he was out cold then hauled off to a pit by a house elf, who served everyone else tea and Biscuits.   
The pit was a very small wet, pitch black, hole filled with jagged rocks, rats, snakes, and occasionally dead house elves. Being thrown in the pit was a traditional punishment for the snape children, Severus had been thrown in so often it was known as Sevie's room.  
He was in the pit, for a while when he regained consciousness he cried and cried, and cried and cried, then weak form hunger, bleeding and being bitten by several rats he fell asleep.  
  
Several hours later Caligula, Tiberius, Sejanus, Bob, and his father came in to rape him. Well, Bob just took pictures, really. Severus was used to this he was raped every week as regular as clock work and yet he silently cried into his long dark hair whilst they violated him repeatedly. They kept him in the pit for about a month, which was the longest amount of time he had ever been in it. They threw bits of moldy bread and gruel to him to eat, which he had fight over with the various nasty animals living in the pit. Sometimes they went two weeks with out feeding him. He started to lose his mind, and it just getting to the FUN part of going crazy when they decided to let him out.  
His older brothers Comdus and Nero (They were they beefy ones in the family) Picked him up and hauled him bodily into the Snape throne room. Yes, the Snape's had a throne room, it was filled with torture devices, gargoyles tapestries of people being tortured, several portraits of ugly cruel looking ancestors and Of course a throne that was made of Human bones and screamed every time a person sat in it. His mother was sitting in it, she was beautiful, dark, haughty, cold, woman, who didn't love him no matter how much he wanted her to.   
"Severus, have you learned your lesson?" she asked.  
  
"Yes, mother." he mumbled.  
  
"You'll do what we want, right? Torturing cute animals, reading about the dark arts and become a death eater like everyone else." she said.  
  
"You'll feed me if I do, and love me?" he asked meekly.  
  
"Now, now Severus you know on this family we don't really Love each other, in fact I could murder all of you right now, and not bat an eyelash," she said.   
The others murmured in Agreement and Bob said: "Hell ya!"   
  
"You'll feed me then?" he asked.  
  
"Yes We will feed you," she sighed. "Now sign this contract."  
  
She handed him a very long piece of parchment, with a lot of writing on it a quill and a jar of blood to sign in. He sighed, and signed the contact as soon he did the contract went up in flames.  
"Good then, now that we have your soul, everything is set ahem," she said she cleared her throat. "MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"  
  
And the other members of the family joined in the cackling expect little Severus he was weeping silently into the sleeves of his tattered robes.   
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
